500 Days of Summer

After seeing "500 Days of Summer" on my flight back to Seattle from Cincinnati, I got to thinking.

Just one day, I'd like this to happen to me.  Well... I can forgo the animated birds.

Thanks for reading,

Dr. Alex

This is why I <3 Google!

 


Thanks for reading,  


Dr. Alex

Trip over love, you can get up. Fall in love and you fall forever.

This month has been interesting with 1) two weddings in 4 weeks, 2) the grooms were childhood neighbors from Murrysville, PA (my home town, just outside of Pittsburgh) and 3) I was able to reconnect with an old high school friend at each wedding.   
Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance.  -Oscar Wilde

Mike Pritts and I at his wedding reception!

"I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,

A church filled with family and friends. 
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for, 
He said one that would make me his wife." - Author Unknown

Reconnecting with Sandip at Mike Pritts and Mandy's wedding!

You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince. - Unknown

So.... at Pittsburgh weddings, everyone and their mother brings in dozens of cookies.

Guest are required to take home a goodie bag.

I think it's a Polish thing...

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown

Tim Chan and Julie at their wedding ceremony.

"Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important" - Lisa Hoffman

Allen Chang, Tim Chan and I at the reception lunch!

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. - Bill Wilson

A great view in Dana Point, CA from Tim's wedding.

Grow old with me! The best is yet to be. ~Robert Browning

For those of you who are as "vexed" as me about the search for your sole mate, thank goodness we don't always look like this guy:

Entitled, "The vexed man."

From the Getty Museum, Los Angeles, CA

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. - George Sand

Ladies, try not to avoid cupids talent when he come to visit!

"You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person who you cannot live without." - Anonymous

Thanks for reading,

Dr. Alex

The Science Behind "The Way to Hook the Ladies"

The August 29th, 2009 edition of The Economist had a short, less then two column, blue back grounded article in their Science and Technology section entitled "Mr Muscle." This article explored one possible reason for sexual selection in humans and "the price and privilege of beefcake."




Starting off the article reads: "Why are men's muscles so much bigger than women's?"  And then proceeds to jump right into the evolutionary process and historical acceptance that all men are fighters and hunters, and we need to chase after big animals and then wrestle them down to the ground!  [OK, the last notion was added by me.]

But, maybe more importantly, "women like men who can do these things well, and thus are attracted to muscular men."  Hence why last week I decided to take a look at the Ballard LA Fitness, Signature Gym.

What I really found out was that "Signature Gym" mean a $150 initiation fee followed by a $55 (discount rate b/c I "work at Seattle Children's Hospital") monthly fee.  This does get me "all states, all gyms" access, body lotion in the men's shower area, and free towels at the gym.  However, as Cat pointed out to me last week over dinner, "The towel bins are always empty in the evening."  Sad. :-(

Back to the article.  "Resources get piled into [muscles], almost regardless of the consequences," and further goes on to state that "the more muscular a man, the more sexual partners he reported."  And offered up a humorous (hopefully) answer to the increase in number of life time and past year sexual partners, that "muscular men [are able] to intimidate 97 lb weaklings." 


Overall the trade off for increasing the number of sexual partners comes at a price of a man's immune system which is "less effective than those of women (which was known before), and become[s] worse the more muscular the men are (which was not [known])."

Thankfully, "modern medicine... means the hulk's weakened immune system is less likely to expose him to lethal infection."

Thank goodness! Now I can safely check out the UW Intramural Gym this coming week!

Thanks for reading,

Dr. Alex

BTW, did I mention the article had a photo of shirtless man fishing with the tag line "The way to hook the ladies?"

LDRs

Friday, June 5th was my graduation from residency! Marking the end of my time at Cincinnati Children's Hospital, and the start of a new adventure through the University of Washington and theSeattle Children's Hospital Regional Hospitalist program.

I've become every accustomed to my life here in Norwood and the Greater Norwood area (Cincinnati), but how exciting it is to start something anew! A first "real job," starting off on a "career path," a whole new environment to explore, new foods to tastes, and of course the difficulty of maintaining or developing new romantic ties. :-(

I have very mixed feelings over the events which will transpire over the next few weeks. I'm in the early stages of exploring new romantic relationships; something that is grand and wonderful, but at the same time, with me leaving, adds a great deal of distress. I know, behind me here in Cincinnati will be a host great friendships, romantic interests, wonderful neighbors, and a calendar full of nightly events.

Some of you my know that I briefly tried eHarmony.com during the second half of my 1st year of residency. While overall the experience for me was pretty meager, I still do from time to time receive e-mails from the eHarmony advice section.

This pasts week's set of articles focused on a timely topic - "Do Long Distance Relationships Last?"

While a little disheartening and disturbing, at the beginning of the article, the author concludes with acknowledging that "partners that take active and conscious strives to get know each other will have a more realistic perception of their relationship, and will make their long distance relationships LAST!"

A quick search also lead me to three much more interesting and supportive article: "Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide," "8 Signs you Shouldn't Be in a Long Distance Relationship," and "How Far Should I Go For Long Distance Love?"

Some quick highlights from these articles are:

"Long-distance relationships are not for the faint of heart." Check. I'm pretty strong willed and determined to work on a relationship that's nurturing, energizing, and has real potential. Just prior to the start of residency I entered into a very loving and successfully LDR which lasted for two years during my residency. While not most the ideal situation, we made it work very well for us.

"...it’s perfectly natural to feel doubt and fear in the lulls of a long-distance relationship." Who doesn't feel fear with such changes? We're not accustomed to starting off and continuing LDRs on a regular basis.

"...there are no "regular" relationships—only local and not so local." A refreshing look at almost all sorts of relationships, not just romantic ones.

"...make a conscious effort to not put your life on hold—do the things that you like to do and pursue interests that you've always wanted to develop" (emphasis added). During my first year of residency (and while in LDR) I learned how to cook with international and gourmet style, improved on and expanded my salsa moves, fulfilled a childhood dream of taking fencing lessons, and pursued all sorts of other "extracurricular actives" to round me out. I plan on keeping up my diverse interests while out in Seattle and expanding my interests as time allows.

"Make sure you’re on the same page with your partner by communicating your expectations about the relationship and by fully understanding theirs." Ouch! This is called the "hard talk," isn't it? Best to get things in motion and ironed out while still close and in person. For most people this is the crutch of the relationship and often where the decision of split paths takes place for those not willing to invest time, emotion, and money into making something last.

"The key is to keep the romance alive during the times you are apart." I have agree with the article here that sending flowers, mix CDs, and homemade cookies are great ideas! But, I also enjoy simple cards or "thinking of you" notes when they arrive via "snail mail." I'm really a mail junky at heart and think that the personal touch of a handwritten note is classically romantic. The "professing your love and post it to YouTube," and the idea of making an "All About Me" book to express your love may be a little far fetched in my humble opinion.

"Where there is mutual will, love will always find a way." Amen! If I felt the desire, connection, and need to be with someone half a world a way, I would surely make it happen! It's silly to end such a wonderful relationship over something like "distance." I mean there are so many more meaningful reasons for not wanting to be with someone...

"At least a few times a year you are going to have to visit the other person. Even if he or she is willing to do the bulk of the traveling, you’ll want to reciprocate the effort." A romantic relationship is about excitement but also about balance. This is also where the most money becomes invested in the relationship.

"Don't expect another person to jump at the chance to someday move to be closer to your job, your friends, your favorite places to hang out, if that's not something you yourself would be willing to consider for the right person." Again, a fair balance + open and honest communication will help foster the most meaningful and lasting LDR.

"...create as many opportunities as possible for face to face interaction before either of you move." This is the stage that I'm working on now! All while trying to balance my time to find help with relocating, secure my hospital credentials, study for my pediatric boards, and visit with friends whom I may not see for years. Not an easy task on my end, and coupled with having a romantic interest that keeps strange hours for work and/or school makes it only harder.

"Secondly, I suggest that you visit each other in as many different circumstances as you possibly can." Good, I love visitors for any reason!

This does give me a lot to think about, but also a lot of hope for any LDR.

Thanks for reading,

Alex

if the Buddha dated

After a several month hiatus from blogging – mainly from work, relationship changes, and the prospect of locating a future career outside of Cincinnati- I wanted to include a listing of several, more meaningful, passages that I found in a book entitled if the Buddha dated – a Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path. By Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D.

This book was lent to me by a wonderful woman, while we were struggling with the unraveling of our romantic relationship. I think, and hope, that Rachel lent me this book as a way to gain insight into her heart and mind, which I later learned were in conflict with one in other over whether to continue our romantic endeavor or to change our path of life. We are not on different paths.

This is by no means a complete synopsis of the 49 (2-4 page) chapters, but rather a collection of interesting and meaningful passages that I took away.

“Too often, we try to mold people into what we want them to be rather then honoring them as they are.”

“The spiritual lover doesn’t want a chase or a competition – he or she wants a lover who wants them back. They want to create a shared union and feel the sweetness of connection.” (emphasis added).

“When you say good-bye to someone or decide not to see them again, remember you are a moment in their story. Make it a story that doesn’t leave a scar.”

“… Love relationships thrive when both partners support, trust, and yield to the other partner’s path. Adaptability, devotion and unconditional support given in equal measure to each other bring the essence of equality.”

“Unresolved losses and conflict live in us as a form of energy.”

“When we crawl in love we are more likely to find the true fire of hearts meeting because our bond is based on a wide array of experiences, time together, familiarity, and the ability to talk over conflict.”

“I am filled by the light of a thousand angels
Softening my way, softening my way

I am filled by the light of a thousand angles,
softening my way to you.

I am washed by the tears of a thousand angels

Softening my way, softening my way

I am washed by the tears of a thousand rainbows,

Softening my way to you.

- A Dance of Universal Peace”

“Our task is to fearlessly, and with great compassion, listen to what our body, mind, and heart are saying and remember that obsessive thinking keeps us locked in fear. If you’re caught in fear, call forth your adult self to remind you that you managed your life before you met this person, and you are not dependent on him or her. You can get out of bed, dress yourself, feed yourself, go to work, and take yourself to the movies. It’s an illusion to believe that you need him or her so desperately, an echo from childhood.”

“In the journey toward finding your beloved, there may be several endings and new beginnings. They are part of the same circle. The grace we bring to leaving a relationship will help us gently untie the cord and let go. Forgiving ourselves and our former partners frees us to love more wisely the next time.” (emphasis added).

Thanks for reading,

Alex